I watched an interesting interview with a 20 something year old who has a sibling with Autism. He said he forced his autistic brother to play with him and found ways to connect on different levels. That makes me happy. What made me a little sad was the worry the "normie" brother had about what would happen to his autistic brother.
Can you imagine, before you have children, before you have a pet, before you have an apartment, your biggest fear is your sibling needing help and that you are the only one who can give it to him? For me, that is an awful fear. What a weight the child must carry in such a situation. How can a parent comfort such fears? "Oh don't worry, we'll have money to take care of him." I'm not totally sure that would work for me. I would worry that the money would disappear or worse be stolen. I would figure out ways to make sure the money would be safe. I would toss and turn at night after dreams of seeing my sibling lost and alone.
Or as this sibling pointed out: "We forced him into our world, it would be awful to see him all alone in the world he was forced to be part of."
These thoughts just make me nervous.... then something else dawns on me.... shouldn't the government be taking care of us? ... ahhhh, I'm so Canadian...
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monty Python Helps Explain
Two very different approaches to dealing with autism....
Having a conversation with this head and tail of a tiger is almost as tiring as doing it with an autistic three year old.
The man looking for the leg just wants some logical answers to his questions. The head and tail seem to be trying to give answers but in a round about way. The one-less-leg man doesn't care why they seem odd or can't carry on a conversation, he just wants his leg.
We've all heard parents say they "lost" their child to autism. It's one of those things that makes autism so difficult to understand. Did the child go somewhere? Or have they always been there just hiding in the bushes behind these weirdos?
Thus my connection to this video.
The leg which has gone missing is your child.
When searching for your child among all the autistic traits (the tiger head and tail) there are some who ask instead "Why are you spinning" or "Why can't you talk?" (or in this case "why are you dressed as a tiger?") one sometimes forgets the whole point in the search to begin with- the leg (the child's personality, who they really are and who they could become).
People are looking for a "cure" for autism and there seems to be something forgotten. Who cares how or why it happened, let's find the friggin leg!
ps. I am all for understanding why autism happens and how we can prevent severe cases of it in future generations, but I'm not about to start pointing to a culprit when the real work should be with connecting with my child. Why would i put my energy into understanding why two grown men are in a tiger outfit?
Having a conversation with this head and tail of a tiger is almost as tiring as doing it with an autistic three year old.
The man looking for the leg just wants some logical answers to his questions. The head and tail seem to be trying to give answers but in a round about way. The one-less-leg man doesn't care why they seem odd or can't carry on a conversation, he just wants his leg.
We've all heard parents say they "lost" their child to autism. It's one of those things that makes autism so difficult to understand. Did the child go somewhere? Or have they always been there just hiding in the bushes behind these weirdos?
Thus my connection to this video.
The leg which has gone missing is your child.
When searching for your child among all the autistic traits (the tiger head and tail) there are some who ask instead "Why are you spinning" or "Why can't you talk?" (or in this case "why are you dressed as a tiger?") one sometimes forgets the whole point in the search to begin with- the leg (the child's personality, who they really are and who they could become).
People are looking for a "cure" for autism and there seems to be something forgotten. Who cares how or why it happened, let's find the friggin leg!
ps. I am all for understanding why autism happens and how we can prevent severe cases of it in future generations, but I'm not about to start pointing to a culprit when the real work should be with connecting with my child. Why would i put my energy into understanding why two grown men are in a tiger outfit?
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Buddhist Easter
It was only this past Friday that I realized something was happening this weekend. When my son's bus driver said he would see them next week it made me wonder what was happening to him. We got into the house and I glanced at the calendar. Good Friday was tomorrow! My first thought: What am I gonna do with my kids tomorrow?
The fact that I had a full 8 hours of entertaining my son seemed daunting. I would have to take them somewhere. It would be raining so the options were: Zoo, Children's Museum or a Toys R Us. The Zoo has this great children's zoo inside and there are lots of activities to do and animals to see without going into the rain. The problem with the Zoo is that I have to leave the stroller outside and I didn't want to carry my 20lb daughter as my 3 year old runs around. The children's museum seemed the best choice cause we are members and it wouldn't cost us a thing to go. The toy store just didn't appeal to me. I like spending my money on candy, but would prefer it be candy for myself.
So instead we spent Friday sitting on the couch watching movies. My son wasn't taking my bait of a gummi worm if he got in the car. There we sat, almost as in some artistic movie... staring at each other. Bored out of our minds. Couldn't even get some alone time as my son wouldn't have a nap on Friday. Of course I didn't try all that hard but I did ask him timidly if he wanted to have a nap.... that counts, that totally counts!
Anyway, here is to my Buddhist Easter! I hope you all enjoyed yours :)
The fact that I had a full 8 hours of entertaining my son seemed daunting. I would have to take them somewhere. It would be raining so the options were: Zoo, Children's Museum or a Toys R Us. The Zoo has this great children's zoo inside and there are lots of activities to do and animals to see without going into the rain. The problem with the Zoo is that I have to leave the stroller outside and I didn't want to carry my 20lb daughter as my 3 year old runs around. The children's museum seemed the best choice cause we are members and it wouldn't cost us a thing to go. The toy store just didn't appeal to me. I like spending my money on candy, but would prefer it be candy for myself.
So instead we spent Friday sitting on the couch watching movies. My son wasn't taking my bait of a gummi worm if he got in the car. There we sat, almost as in some artistic movie... staring at each other. Bored out of our minds. Couldn't even get some alone time as my son wouldn't have a nap on Friday. Of course I didn't try all that hard but I did ask him timidly if he wanted to have a nap.... that counts, that totally counts!
Anyway, here is to my Buddhist Easter! I hope you all enjoyed yours :)
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Phantom Autism
I remember learning while in college that there is a certain kind of illness people get when they start to study diseases and mental illnesses. I don't know the name of it and a quick search on Google says I won't be able to find it easily. Usually medial students get it as they study the destructive nature of our bodies. The human brain can really screw with you.
After reading multiple books and watching plenty of documentaries I feel like I'm starting to see signs of Autism in MY day to day life. I get very annoyed when my routine is uprooted and I have always had a hard time making friends. All in all it's hard to connect with people on EVERY level. But that's just silly!
Why would I NOW believe I have a developmental disability after I've already developed, let alone graduated high school and university without any outside help? I believe as a parent you tend to look to yourself when trying to understand what is happening to your children. It makes sense that I would want to connect with my child and one of the best ways is by finding a common ground. Or common disfunction? But, every parent has a common disfunction with their child. For some it's interest in bad habits, for others it's the way they laugh (mine would be called the woop, and both my children pop ear drums when they laugh).
The hard truth is: I don't Stem. I don't have difficulties with others. I don't fixate on things. I don't have one way of thinking. I am not autistic.... but, man, for some reason my brain wants to get me there!
As for now, I think I'll start looking harder at the world around me and how I perceive it. That's really all I can do, right? Or perhaps I can stop reading the studies on autism and get back into reading novels about romance. Romance is lovely, isn't it? I don't have to think and the "problems" the characters deal with seem trivial.
Take me away Ruthiford, or St John, or Bob.... take me to your ridiculous scenarios where there always seems to be a reason NOT to have a full conversation about relationships and everyone is beautiful..... ahhh, that's better.
After reading multiple books and watching plenty of documentaries I feel like I'm starting to see signs of Autism in MY day to day life. I get very annoyed when my routine is uprooted and I have always had a hard time making friends. All in all it's hard to connect with people on EVERY level. But that's just silly!
Why would I NOW believe I have a developmental disability after I've already developed, let alone graduated high school and university without any outside help? I believe as a parent you tend to look to yourself when trying to understand what is happening to your children. It makes sense that I would want to connect with my child and one of the best ways is by finding a common ground. Or common disfunction? But, every parent has a common disfunction with their child. For some it's interest in bad habits, for others it's the way they laugh (mine would be called the woop, and both my children pop ear drums when they laugh).
The hard truth is: I don't Stem. I don't have difficulties with others. I don't fixate on things. I don't have one way of thinking. I am not autistic.... but, man, for some reason my brain wants to get me there!
As for now, I think I'll start looking harder at the world around me and how I perceive it. That's really all I can do, right? Or perhaps I can stop reading the studies on autism and get back into reading novels about romance. Romance is lovely, isn't it? I don't have to think and the "problems" the characters deal with seem trivial.
Take me away Ruthiford, or St John, or Bob.... take me to your ridiculous scenarios where there always seems to be a reason NOT to have a full conversation about relationships and everyone is beautiful..... ahhh, that's better.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Grunting
Grunting is unacceptable at the dinner table. I've never really had a problem with it but the majority of people in USA would agree. The fact is it looks like my cooking has made everyone at the table de-evolve. Only recently grunting has started to really get on my nerves.
A three year old should be able to ask for things with WORDS. This is one of the "normal" things one would see with a child who has eaten his third birthday cake shaped like a train, but there is a different conversation going on in my house:
Mom: Do you want some food?
Son: Some food?
Mom: Is that yes?
Son: Is that yes?
Mom: Or no?
Son: Or no?
Mom: (he isn't listening to me so let me get his attention) How about a hippo?
Son: Hippo, okay!
Mom: You want to eat a hippo? (laughing heartily)
Son: Eat a hippo?
Mom: Yes or no?
Son: ..... (grunt)
Mom: Is that a no?
and so on...
If one were conversing with an adult, they would think this repeating activity was trying to bring a load of pain to the human tape recorder. It's funny to think of how often I hear what I have just said. Not only do I hear what I just said, but when I try to shake up the conversation enough to get my son more interested (ie inserting an animal he would NEVER eat) it seems to make him more frustrated. We both seem to know exactly what to do to bug the other.
He knows that if he repeats enough of what I say, I'll leave him alone eventually. I know that when I throw in something illogical he doesn't understand why I'm laughing. My son and I have a Love/(grunt) relationship.
Grunting came into our lives recently when my son was expected to use his words more often. He would grunt and get angry. There were screaming fits and flailing arms until I started reminding him he could use words. Asking a question he ALWAYS knows the answer to seems to help:
Mom: Please eat your lima beans.
Son: (grunt)
Mom: You've done so well with the rest of your meal, why not finish off those beans?
Son: (screaming grunt)
Mom: Do you want apple sauce for dessert? You have to eat your lima beans for apple sauce.
Son: (grunt scream grunt)
Mom: Please use your words.
Son: (SCREAMING GRUNT)
Mom: Do you want to go into a time out?
Son: No.
Mom: Then please use your words.
Son: Apple sauce
Mom: You can have apple sauce when you finish your lima beans.
Son: Apple sauce, PLEASE.
Mom: When you're finished your lima beans.
Son: (grunt)
and so on...
I'm sure I'd enjoy it oh so much more if I were a fly on the wall, but then again, everyone's life would be fun to watch as a fly on the wall....
Well, maybe not everyone's, but a few... okay, maybe just a couple.
A three year old should be able to ask for things with WORDS. This is one of the "normal" things one would see with a child who has eaten his third birthday cake shaped like a train, but there is a different conversation going on in my house:
Mom: Do you want some food?
Son: Some food?
Mom: Is that yes?
Son: Is that yes?
Mom: Or no?
Son: Or no?
Mom: (he isn't listening to me so let me get his attention) How about a hippo?
Son: Hippo, okay!
Mom: You want to eat a hippo? (laughing heartily)
Son: Eat a hippo?
Mom: Yes or no?
Son: ..... (grunt)
Mom: Is that a no?
and so on...
If one were conversing with an adult, they would think this repeating activity was trying to bring a load of pain to the human tape recorder. It's funny to think of how often I hear what I have just said. Not only do I hear what I just said, but when I try to shake up the conversation enough to get my son more interested (ie inserting an animal he would NEVER eat) it seems to make him more frustrated. We both seem to know exactly what to do to bug the other.
He knows that if he repeats enough of what I say, I'll leave him alone eventually. I know that when I throw in something illogical he doesn't understand why I'm laughing. My son and I have a Love/(grunt) relationship.
Grunting came into our lives recently when my son was expected to use his words more often. He would grunt and get angry. There were screaming fits and flailing arms until I started reminding him he could use words. Asking a question he ALWAYS knows the answer to seems to help:
Mom: Please eat your lima beans.
Son: (grunt)
Mom: You've done so well with the rest of your meal, why not finish off those beans?
Son: (screaming grunt)
Mom: Do you want apple sauce for dessert? You have to eat your lima beans for apple sauce.
Son: (grunt scream grunt)
Mom: Please use your words.
Son: (SCREAMING GRUNT)
Mom: Do you want to go into a time out?
Son: No.
Mom: Then please use your words.
Son: Apple sauce
Mom: You can have apple sauce when you finish your lima beans.
Son: Apple sauce, PLEASE.
Mom: When you're finished your lima beans.
Son: (grunt)
and so on...
I'm sure I'd enjoy it oh so much more if I were a fly on the wall, but then again, everyone's life would be fun to watch as a fly on the wall....
Well, maybe not everyone's, but a few... okay, maybe just a couple.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Trailer Trash
How bad is it that I keep finding myself looking a bit like a woman who spent the 39 of the 40 years of her life in a trailer? It just doesn't make sense to get "dressed up" for a day of chasing kids and trying to remember to eat properly (have I had veggies today? Ahh, forget it, I'll have some tomorrow, I PROMISE!).
Either way, it's funny how little I care about how people see me lately. Ya, I gained back those five pounds I kicked off my butt about two months ago, but I also gained some more! So, it's like getting more change back from the cashier than you thought you were going to get! YA, WIGGLY MIDDLE! Perhaps it's because I'm so tired, or perhaps I'm not getting enough "me" time at the salon (honestly, when was the last time I got my hair cut by someone other than myself or my husband?) but I'm going to use the excuse that my husband loves me.
He does. It doesn't matter how hairy my legs are or how smelly I am, he still loves me. Ya know, I've changed my mind. This is a stupid reason. (he still loves me though.)
I will instead say it is because I have won a billion dollars and shouldn't care what others think cause I could buy them out of their house if I wanted to! Wait, this one is stupid too.
Let's just say I have been making more purchases of gummibears and less adventures to the veggie world. It's not that hard to change what I've damaged, but who am I to change nature? Right? Am I right? ...
Let's just forget that if I were "natural" I would be running around with a spear trying to kill small mammals and wear their clothes because it gets cold here in Illinois! But, I'd be just as unshaven! So I'm half way to natural. Perhaps now I should enjoy an apple to turn myself around this corner of flabby street to fit avenue. Or I could eat those cookies I made today.
.... I'll have an apple tomorrow, I PROMISE!
Either way, it's funny how little I care about how people see me lately. Ya, I gained back those five pounds I kicked off my butt about two months ago, but I also gained some more! So, it's like getting more change back from the cashier than you thought you were going to get! YA, WIGGLY MIDDLE! Perhaps it's because I'm so tired, or perhaps I'm not getting enough "me" time at the salon (honestly, when was the last time I got my hair cut by someone other than myself or my husband?) but I'm going to use the excuse that my husband loves me.
He does. It doesn't matter how hairy my legs are or how smelly I am, he still loves me. Ya know, I've changed my mind. This is a stupid reason. (he still loves me though.)
I will instead say it is because I have won a billion dollars and shouldn't care what others think cause I could buy them out of their house if I wanted to! Wait, this one is stupid too.
Let's just say I have been making more purchases of gummibears and less adventures to the veggie world. It's not that hard to change what I've damaged, but who am I to change nature? Right? Am I right? ...
Let's just forget that if I were "natural" I would be running around with a spear trying to kill small mammals and wear their clothes because it gets cold here in Illinois! But, I'd be just as unshaven! So I'm half way to natural. Perhaps now I should enjoy an apple to turn myself around this corner of flabby street to fit avenue. Or I could eat those cookies I made today.
.... I'll have an apple tomorrow, I PROMISE!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
6pm Bedtime
You wouldn't think that such a crazy idea would work, right? Well, it actually has been pretty good lately since I pushed the bedtime back to when most people are arriving home from work.
The hardest part is the fact it's so bright outside! Who in they're right mind would think "NOW would be the best time to sleep" as they look out at the bright beginning of the evening and children frolicking in the green grass? Apparently I do.
After three weeks of blissfully waking after 6:30am I don't think I'll be able to go back to waking at 5 again. Of course there have been the night wakings. Once in a while I have both kids up at the same time and wonder if it is a good idea to put them down so early. Then I put my head down and wake up after the sun has risen, ahhhh, so relaxing.
To be fair, I have an earlier bedtime too. Instead of waiting for hubby to get home I will lay my head down and go to sleep at about 9pm. Really, this is a big deal to someone who stays up voluntarily until midnight at the earliest! So, you'd say I am giving myself the same restrictions. I do get exceptions though! Like: cleaning the kitchen... ok that's my only one but it's a good one and has to be done on a daily basis. So I just try to make the kitchen as messy as I possibly can so I can stay up, (and thus have gone to bed at 9pm once in the past two weeks). Easy schmeesy!
... of course that does mean that I am cleaning the whole time, which isn't the desired past time of many. But man, if you were a neat freak and wanted the best way to full fill the dream- I've got it!
Ha ha! Suckers! ..... wait....
The hardest part is the fact it's so bright outside! Who in they're right mind would think "NOW would be the best time to sleep" as they look out at the bright beginning of the evening and children frolicking in the green grass? Apparently I do.
After three weeks of blissfully waking after 6:30am I don't think I'll be able to go back to waking at 5 again. Of course there have been the night wakings. Once in a while I have both kids up at the same time and wonder if it is a good idea to put them down so early. Then I put my head down and wake up after the sun has risen, ahhhh, so relaxing.
To be fair, I have an earlier bedtime too. Instead of waiting for hubby to get home I will lay my head down and go to sleep at about 9pm. Really, this is a big deal to someone who stays up voluntarily until midnight at the earliest! So, you'd say I am giving myself the same restrictions. I do get exceptions though! Like: cleaning the kitchen... ok that's my only one but it's a good one and has to be done on a daily basis. So I just try to make the kitchen as messy as I possibly can so I can stay up, (and thus have gone to bed at 9pm once in the past two weeks). Easy schmeesy!
... of course that does mean that I am cleaning the whole time, which isn't the desired past time of many. But man, if you were a neat freak and wanted the best way to full fill the dream- I've got it!
Ha ha! Suckers! ..... wait....
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