Laziness

Yes, there is such a thing as being a professional procrastinating lazy human. I would put myself in this category.

With such devices as remote controls and cell phones there is no need to move anywhere while lounging in bed. Mind you, it would make more sense if I were sick. I position myself perfectly between two pillows on my bed, while all my muscles relax and I am whisked away to the great land of houses that keep themselves clean.

It's true that I am a mother and my children are well taken care of, but there are days I wish I could stay in my pjs not because I haven't had the time or energy to actually get to my room to change but because I have no reason to leave the house. I can imagine myself sleeping soundly and awaiting the scores of people who want to do things for me. They can clean my bathroom, do my dishes and make me sandwiches. It wouldn't really matter all that much if they cleaned my house because I would stay in bed. Although the sandwiches would be important.

It is true that I make sure my kitchen is as clean as I can make it with the limited energy I have after a day of driving somewhere, chasing a two year old, breastfeeding a five month old, chasing a two year old WHILE breast feeding a five month old and trying desperately to keep myself from smoking. Ahh, smoking. Seriously, has anyone made a better habit?

It's awful for you, it smells, it kills and it makes men much more appealing to my lazy ass. I like the man with a smoke hanging out of his mouth because it makes him look like such a bad boy. I don't care if you are five hundred pounds, you look sexier with a smoke in your mouth. Yes, it's gross, but I can't lie anymore! Of course the other positive is smoking helps you lose weight without you actually doing anything! Any kind of appetite suppressant is ok by me.

It's nice too, as a lazy person, to have a dog. They help clean up the house with their never ending hunger for discarded food. Dogs are pretty awesome in the lazy person's world but I'm pretty sure the lazy person's best pet would be the tapeworm. All you have to do is eat and eat and eat! You can enjoy the great tastes of the world's foods without too much weight gain. The one down side to this is, sadly, when your beloved tapeworm has drained you of all your nutrition and thus leaving you dead, your tapeworm buddy starves.

If you're lazy for too long you die, this is the down side to being lazy. I guess it's not so bad to get out of the house every once in a while and do something, but that damn bed is one hell of a suductress.