Three Hours

I thought it would be a good idea to have my son sleep in my bed while I tried to also have a nap.  This has worked ONCE before so I thought it might again.  Why do I have to be the one who never sleeps?  Why do I have to be the one who wishes she could take a nap and never does?  Why can't I get a nap in after 3 hours of sleep throughout the night?  Why?

The answer so many will say is because I'm a mother.  COME ON PEOPLE!  That is a stupid reason.   Why can't I throw hissy fits every time I get woken up in the night?  I'd love to have the luxury of turning into a three year old every time I didn't get my wawa, but I freaking can't.  You know why?

Cause I'm the only one in the house who can't.  Period.  It doesn't matter that I am the mom, it doesn't matter that I don't have a job outside of the house, it doesn't matter that I want to scream all the effing time. All that matters is that I can't and that is the end of that conversation.

I can't because it won't help the day go on faster and it won't help my health.  If I got to hissy fit every time something annoyed me I wouldn't have time for anything else.  That's why I can't.

I watched a documentary about "Refrigerator Mothers" and one woman said she was in such a depression that she wanted to kill herself, but couldn't because she had too much to do (I know, it's a big difference but...).

I wanna scream too, but it won't help me get the crap I have to get done done.

... I'm considering taking up smoking again....

Vacuum

We have a dog.  One would assume that would cover what our relationship is with our dog but it really doesn't cover it all.  We have a hyperactive, wheat allergic, constantly bored cattle dog mix.  It wouldn't matter if you took her on three walks a day, this dog would want another three.  But I digress....

We have a dog.  She hates the vacuum.  It makes her bark like mad.  For some reason my children are used to her barking.  It usually doesn't bother them other than when she barks right in their faces.  What I find so interesting is the second the vacuum physically comes out of the closet the house seems to go ballistic.

Our dog barks.  My son squeals and begs to stop having to do what he is doing (ie eating or cleaning something up).  My daughter finds her way to a wall and starts to shake.  I have to hold my ten month old to keep her calm.  I endure the slamming of my son's door as he races away before the device is turned on. The dog continues to bark (and she isn't even in the same room!).

I finish vacuuming and what happens next makes me shake my head.  My son asks very nicely to use the vacuum.  Seriously?  You couldn't have used it while plugged into the wall so I could have sat back and enjoyed you doing some of the work?  I guess not.

And all the while.... the dog continues to bark.  She won't stop until the vacuum is safely back in the closet.  You know what's even scarier?  She totally knows the second that happens and the house is suddenly returned to peace.

TV in bed

I am not a fan of letting my son watch too much tv.  It just doesn't seem to help him do anything but stop bothering me.  We don't like plopping our son in front of it and walking away.  BUT- there are moments when it seems like the only thing I CAN do...

Examples
1) Trying to get my 10 month old to sleep
2) While I clean the dishes I need for dinner which I am told must be made asap, or the world will end.
3) When I am having a "I wish I believed in spanking" moment
4) Illness... like today

We are sick again!  And not only that, it's during spring break so that makes it that much more special!  I get to clean up puke and try to get liquid into a 3 year old while my 10 month old giggles and blows raspberries at us.

My husband put the tv in our son's room because he wouldn't stay in his bed.  Makes sense to me.  Of course I can't say it's just because of that I am happy the tv has moved.  I am now sitting in my empty living room as my sick son watches Super Hero Squad and my daughter naps.  It's quiet and I'm able to unwind from my weekend of the same illness....

So, it's my daughter's turn to get sick.  That will be fun...

Magazines

Holy crap!  I just found these!  ME WANT!!!

Spectrum

Autism Digest

Autism Spectrum Quarterly

I should have looked this up earlier!!

I'm tired

Why is it that every morning I wake up and want to go back to sleep?  You would think I would be full of energy to get my son out the door and off to school as quickly as I could so "me time" would start sooner rather than later.  Sadly, it just doesn't work that way in my house.

I can imagine mothers everywhere wondering how other mothers do it.  Wonder how they get through the day without konking out at the computer xxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

But seriously, there is mother's day.  We should salute every mother on this day.  I think instead we find ourselves being mothers.  I often dream of getting breakfast in bed and not having to get up to make it.  It would be rather enjoyable to sleep until the sun comes up.  Oh the joy of seeing a sunrise.  When was the last time I didn't see one?

At present my husband is painting a panda bear on my son's wall.  I had a short nap this morning after being up with a sick nine month old and forced myself to get up so I could help him paint one wall tan.  As a mother I felt it my obligation to push to get it done today.  I tried to get it done a couple of days ago.  Ya, that didn't work either.

So, here I am covered in paint because my son's room looks like a hospital ward room after taking down all the breakable pictures.  We've made the rule in the house that our son can throw balls in the house, but only in his room.  It seems to be one of the few things he "needs" to do, so I'm thankful for that.  But I do it for my child.  I just hope he remembers years down the line how awesome his parents are...

Repetition

Oh my god.... I cannot sing that song again.  But like every good mother I do through gritted teeth and a smile.  Thankfully my son doesn't notice and will take it happily.  I don't know what the song actually is so singing it is rather interesting.  My son doesn't sing all the words so that explains my confusion.  Of course I can kind of guess what the song is.

It counts numbers and with each number has a rhyming phrase.  It sounds cute (8, 8 we're on a date- woo hoo!) and part of me wonders what all the rhyming is.  You could put some bad words in there between the cute rhymes.  6 rhymes with licks and fix.  9 rhymes with crime (sort of).

You could make some naughty songs with the numbers 1-10.... or it could just be adorable coming out of a three year olds mouth :)

Fathering

Have you ever seen a father and son in the grocery store and thought to yourself "What a great dad."?  I do, but when I do I remember a comic (it could have been a writer, but let's just say it was a comic) talking about an incident while he had his two children with him food shopping.

He announced rather proudly that he was not a good father.  The audience laughed, cause you're supposed to laugh at that kind of stuff when a comic says it.  Talking about walking through the store and wanting to murder his toddler about three times made the audience laughed thoroughly.  It was funny.  But the best part was when the comic said he got up to the cash register and the woman in line in front of him said "You're such a good father".  He was stunned.  Looking down at his two year old eating a hoho and his ten month old chewing on a twist tie, he was sure this woman needed glasses.  It made me rethink "father" adoring.

Now, as I notice fathers pulling their kids by the hands through stores or streets, I watch more closely.  It's a bit of an eye opener.  One day I watched as a father with two kids around the age of 8 walked out of the church across the street from where I stood.  The father walked closely with his children and checked the road for cars before letting them cross.  He seemed to have his father badge on.  It was when I heard what they were talking about I tried not to gasp.

"What the F*&K kid?  Are you stupid or something?  Do you even know how stupid that is?  Would you just stop F*&king doing that S*&T and stop being so juvenile?"

I was shocked.  Who talks that way to a kid, let alone their kid, with such easiness?  People watching from a distance would assume they were talking about the weather.  And who believes that any kid under the age of 17 won't do something juvenile?  I believe "kids" fall under the juvenile category.

Now, the point.  My son has been testing boundaries and I wasn't completely sure if it is because he is starting to show signs of Autism or if he is just a 3 year old.  My husband, the man who sees his son about five hours during the week, showed me how capable our son really is.  Our son was refusing to stay with us in the grocery store (which made me think of the above story).  Cooly and calmly my husband was able to keep our son on task without the screaming battle I usually encounter.

I learned something today: Now, THAT is a good father!

I'm not totally sure if my bias is part of my discovery.  Anyone can make a baby (that's easy... and fun usually), but raising them lovingly and with a sense of humor is much harder.  Let's try to cheer on the good ones and point them out for the bad ones to observe.... maybe they'll learn something too.

50 Ways to...

You know that song "50 ways to leave your lover"?  I feel this song truly speaks to me.  Not really about leaving a lover but trying to get my child to sleep.  It feels like there are 50 ways I can get him to sleep but never know which of the 50 will work at what time.

The real problem is that without a nap my three year old will (99% of the time) have a night terror.  It corresponds almost exactly.

To actually get my son to fall asleep I have tried many methods (including: stories, music, dvds, darkness, light, silence, noise, dancing and bribing are among the easiest to explain in one word) I don't know how to cut his nap.  We did try for about a week and that was a HUGE mistake.  Is there something that's more tired than over tired??  Dropping this nap just doesn't seem to be happening as quickly as all my friends said it would.

I should be careful what I wish for though.  Cause the minute he stops having his naps is the day I become more exhausted than a sloth trying to make a deadline.

So,
1) I have to get him to sleep, at the very least 1 hour.  If no nap, bad night.
2) Yes, we have a gate on his door.  I do not cage my children.... I "gate" them.  Not in a cattle kind of way, more like a "Iloveyoubutyoucan'thandlebeinganywhereelseinthehousewithoutfreakingout" kinda way.
3) My son rarely has naps when his 9 month old sister does..... I'm just gonna let that sink in for a minute.
4) Over tired is a given after fighting him for 20 minutes to have a nap, even when I try to put him down for a nap 20 minutes before he will be tired.

These are the obstacles we face each day.  The real question for me is: Is it worth it?  Is the two hour fight worth the good sleep between 7-11pm?

The answer changes.  After he has fallen asleep for his nap, the answer is yes.  While being yelled and kicked at before falling asleep for his nap, the answer is no.

If for no other reason than my sanity, I think I'm gonna stop thinking about this.... it just makes me sleepy.

Illness

ya, we are sick... and what I mean is that my children and husband have been sick for the last week and are now finally on the mend but I am getting the hard hits.  Being the mom sometimes sucks.

I started getting sick when the kids started getting sick.  My husband had what I would call a 12 hour cold and I have never had such gunk in my throat before!  Bleck!  So, after a week of nursing the children it is now time for my immune system to essentially fall down and let the goo take over.

That may be an over statement, but it still sucks!  My three year old is moving in the direction of no nap and my nine month old has decided that 45 minutes of a nap is long enough to get through the day.  I, on the other hand, have been exhausted since I gave birth to my son over three years ago.... No, wait, it was about three months before he was born that I got my last full night sleep.  Either way, I have to coordinate the naps very well to get any kind of sleep.  Yesterday, I actually got 20 minutes with the house quiet.

It's mostly my fault though.

What bat crazy woman takes on waking up in the night to take care of BOTH children and wakes up early to feed them both breakfast?  I have an answer, but you may not like it.... the one who's married to the guy who gets home at 11pm from a service industry job where he must be chipper and helpful to all paying clients, whether they are jerks or not... (that may also be an over statement)

So, we all get sick.  This is due in part to my son starting school this past January.  Every two weeks we get sick.  All of us.  Although it takes me an extra three days to get better, I get about a week of feeling like myself when the next illness comes to smack us all upside the head.  Of course the up side to this (told to me by friends of older children) is that the immune system is learning aswell at this age.  So, any illness they get now, the immune system will learn how to fight it off and it will take MUCH less time next time they catch it.  So, woo!  In another three years my son will stop getting sick every two weeks.... man....

I've got to look into paying another kid to get sick for my son....

I'm feeling pained...

So this won't be a long one, but I am feeling sad.  My husband said to me today that our son may not have autism, it may be ADHD.  I can't help but take a step back and wonder if he has been watching our son differently than I have.  If I have been too quick to agree that he is autistic and should be fighting harder to say "nothing is wrong with him"....

But there is nothing wrong.  This is who he is.  Perhaps I am jumping in too quickly, perhaps my husband is right in slowing my move to action....

If not, though, my husband may be in for a wave of emotion at some point.  I just hope that doesn't happen.

Hair Cut

Who would have thought giving your child a hair cut would be so traumatic?  After two weeks of trying to get my son's wild hair under control, we did the unthinkable two nights ago.  We actually had to hold him down to cut his hair.

I wouldn't have cared as much except he refused the candy we promised him if he let us cut his hair.  The whole thing was a stupid idea, but we've done it so many times you would think this would be routine!  This was the first time he FREAKED out about us touching his hair.  And it was only after half of it was cut, oh imagine an opposite mullet.  Very unique.

I often wonder if symptoms of Austim show up slowly.  If so, we're in for more exciting times to come.  Both my husband and I turned to each other when the cut was finally finished and agreed never to cut his hair again.  We could go to a salon and see if he would go for it there, if not, then we're letting his hair grow.  He'll just have to become part of a hair band.

Which, if you think about it, wouldn't be all that bad.  At dinner last night he was drumming the table the way my father (lifetime drummer) does constantly.  Perhaps my son will become a drummer for an up and coming band.  Or will grow old with three different drum sets to play on when ever he likes.

Either way, we learned something about my son this past weekend.  The lesson was well ingrained in all of us.  Don't touch the kid's hair.... period.

Siblings

I find it rather interesting how my son interacts with his sister versus other people. Perhaps it's because he knows what will happen if he pushes his sister and thus does it as much as he can without getting in BIG trouble. Or maybe it's because he sees other people as unsuitable push overs, whereas his sister is so easy to prod a bit. What can you expect from a nine month old though?

While at the Children's museum today my son played wonderfully with the other children. Stepped back for everyone to have a turn and never jumped in front of anyone to play with a toy. Of course we are talking about the kid who hits the floor when anyone talks to him. So, gracefully walking away is probably the easier choice to interacting with others.

It makes me wonder if he is actually more interested in avoiding children. Watching him walk into a group of three or four kids was a hopeful occurrence. This was followed by the children walking away as my son took over the spinny toy. At least I know what motivates him. Spinny things. Who would have thought a spiral would force him to step outside of his box?! Wish I had that effect on him.

All that being said, there are moments when I see my son and daughter laughing together over spit or farts. Yes, a nine month old can laugh at farts, who knew!? Those are moments that make me the most excited. One day both my children will get a good laugh out of me falling on my butt because they put turtle wax right by the entrance to the house. Yes, I'll break my arm and have to go to the hospital and my autistic son will not really understand why I'm crying nor will he fully understand how to console me, but at least the kids did it together. It was a team effort.

And really, if nothing else, siblings are all about getting people on your side against the parents. Oh the fun we'll have! And the lectures I'll have to prepare....

Autism

Well, ladies and gentlemen, here it is. My son is on the spectrum for autism. It is mild, but has been affecting his everyday learning in school. I realize he is only 3 years old, but it's a huge plus to know this stuff early. ... So, that's my big news. He has autism. I'm not in denial or regret mode. I'm in, ok, so he's got Autism. Let's help him, who the fuck cares how mild it is. I want my son to live a normal life and be able to cope with the crazy world us "un-autistic" people live in.

What have I noticed? I'm comparing my children almost every second now, more than in the past. I'm learning I need WAY more patience. His diet is glutton free. I'm not forcing him to get his hair cut anymore... working on that patience thing. Our nights have become awful but we aren't using diapers anymore, not as good a switch off as I'd prefer, but I'll take what I can. There are times I wish I knew what it was like in his head. Throwing has become a normal happening in our house... but only in his bedroom.

My 9 month old daughter is "singing" to us. The Lalalas are sweet reminders that she wants to communicate and get attention at the same time. Our son never did that. Our daughter turns her head when you say her name. Our son didn't do that until closer to 2 years old. Our daughter is showing us how many clues we had.

I'll say this, I understand now when my sister and I would talk about our sons (who are only 6 weeks apart) and both be dumbfounded by what the other was doing/not doing. How the other communicated with their child and how we each understood our child. Those were always weird conversations. "He's telling you what? He actually gives you a hug when you cry? You're able to give him directions with more then one step?" vs "He can climb what? He runs? He can string beads on a string? He can stack how many blocks?" .... very different experience.

And so begins my experience....