Three Hours

I thought it would be a good idea to have my son sleep in my bed while I tried to also have a nap.  This has worked ONCE before so I thought it might again.  Why do I have to be the one who never sleeps?  Why do I have to be the one who wishes she could take a nap and never does?  Why can't I get a nap in after 3 hours of sleep throughout the night?  Why?

The answer so many will say is because I'm a mother.  COME ON PEOPLE!  That is a stupid reason.   Why can't I throw hissy fits every time I get woken up in the night?  I'd love to have the luxury of turning into a three year old every time I didn't get my wawa, but I freaking can't.  You know why?

Cause I'm the only one in the house who can't.  Period.  It doesn't matter that I am the mom, it doesn't matter that I don't have a job outside of the house, it doesn't matter that I want to scream all the effing time. All that matters is that I can't and that is the end of that conversation.

I can't because it won't help the day go on faster and it won't help my health.  If I got to hissy fit every time something annoyed me I wouldn't have time for anything else.  That's why I can't.

I watched a documentary about "Refrigerator Mothers" and one woman said she was in such a depression that she wanted to kill herself, but couldn't because she had too much to do (I know, it's a big difference but...).

I wanna scream too, but it won't help me get the crap I have to get done done.

... I'm considering taking up smoking again....