Phantom Autism

I remember learning while in college that there is a certain kind of illness people get when they start to study diseases and mental illnesses.  I don't know the name of it and a quick search on Google says I won't be able to find it easily.  Usually medial students get it as they study the destructive nature of our bodies.  The human brain can really screw with you.

After reading multiple books and watching plenty of documentaries I feel like I'm starting to see signs of Autism in MY day to day life.  I get very annoyed when my routine is uprooted and I have always had a hard time making friends.  All in all it's hard to connect with people on EVERY level.  But that's just silly!

Why would I NOW believe I have a developmental disability after I've already developed, let alone graduated high school and university without any outside help?  I believe as a parent you tend to look to yourself when trying to understand what is happening to your children.  It makes sense that I would want to connect with my child and one of the best ways is by finding a common ground.  Or common disfunction?  But, every parent has a common disfunction with their child.  For some it's interest in bad habits, for others it's the way they laugh (mine would be called the woop, and both my children pop ear drums when they laugh).

The hard truth is: I don't Stem.  I don't have difficulties with others.  I don't fixate on things.  I don't have one way of thinking.  I am not autistic.... but, man, for some reason my brain wants to get me there!

As for now, I think I'll start looking harder at the world around me and how I perceive it.  That's really all I can do, right?  Or perhaps I can stop reading the studies on autism and get back into reading novels about romance.  Romance is lovely, isn't it?  I don't have to think and the "problems" the characters deal with seem trivial.

Take me away Ruthiford, or St John, or Bob.... take me to your ridiculous scenarios where there always seems to be a reason NOT to have a full conversation about relationships and everyone is beautiful..... ahhh, that's better.